Posted by Maggie Mistal
No man or woman is an island when it comes to career success. If you want to reach your goals and overcome obstacles, you will need to persuade others to help you. How do you get people's attention when they're already overwhelmed by work and family demands, buzzing blackberries, and economic malaise? Just listen. This is a topic I discussed today with Terri Trespicio on "Whole Living."
According to Dr. Mark Goulston, psychiatrist, executive coach and former FBI negotiation trainer, the secret to getting through to absolutely anyone is to just listen. I recently interviewed Dr. Goulston about his new book of the same title on my radio show, "Making a Living." If you missed it, I suggest you pick up a copy of Just Listen -- it's full of techniques to get through to hard-to-reach people in work and in life.
Here are my favorite insights:
The Power of hmmm. If you've ever dealt with a boss, client or coworker who's in meltdown mode, you know that telling them to calm down only makes things worse. Rather Dr. Goulston suggests saying "hmmm" in response. It commits you to nothing yet still shows the other person you are listening. It helps to mitigate rather than escalate an already difficult situation.
Just listen really means just care. When you take a sincere interest in someone, it builds a more solid relationship. When people feel you've heard them and understand them, they are more apt to return the favor.
Keep your emotions under control. Getting defensive and emotional in an already heated exchange only adds fuel to the fire. It's crucial that you stay calm to have any influence at all. It's when we are calm, cool and collected that our brains are able to operate at a higher function and not just fight or flight.
You don't need to be psychiatrist to get people to listen to you but you will have more influence if you take Dr. Goulston's advice to heart.
From: Frustrated Mom | 10/1/09 at 10:29 am
Maggie
I listen to you everyday and enjoy your advice in "careers". I have a question that I need advice on..how do I get my stepson to be more responsible/accountable for his financial mistakes? I do not think teenagers understand that financial mistakes will effect their careers down the road. For example who would want to hire someone who has mismanaged their own money/has bad credit to handle a potential employers finances. Is there some advice you can share with me to help him realize how this choices will follow him and his career and get him back on track. It is a time of "tough love" right now. I can no longer cover his financial errors because all it is doing is enabling him. I am thinking of a new approach of not only laying out all of his expenses/debts but a binding contract of sorts....if he fails he loses his car as penalty. He has not paid us back for this/insurance either. Help.
From: Peg | 10/1/09 at 10:58 am
The hmmm response makes sense. Thanks for writing this Maggie.
From: Maggie Mistal | 10/1/09 at 10:48 pm
Frustrated Mom - You are right when you say that financial mistakes affect career. Many employers do credit checks as part of the job application process and factor the findings into hiring decisions. I've done some research and found an article you might appreciate: http://bit.ly/XyP6q. It too talks about a contract approach and other tips for teaching your teen financial literacy. Hope it helps!
Peg - let us know if you use the hmmm approach and how it works for you!